#15: Dad highlights, and a few lowlights, of 2021
Hey, dadlife ain't all hotwings and good whiskey....
This is my 15th, and final, newsletter of 2021! I’m a sucker for year end recaps so here are a few of my favorite memories from 2021. Since I’m not exactly aiming to be the next #dadfluencer where parenting is all jolly good times and looking good as hell in a bathing suit, I’m including a few things I wish I’d done better at the bottom.
First up, the highlights:
Hiking with the girls
There are two hikes I’m thinking of that bring me a lot of joy from 2021.
The first was our trip to Bryce Canyon National Park in southern Utah during our 5 national parks in 8 days feat of terror and stupidity (ok it was awesome but also exhausting). Bryce has a lot to offer but let’s be clear; the main attraction is the Queen’s Garden / Navajo Loop trail. Imagine looking down at this eerie canyon full of red and orange spires called hoodoos, and then looking down some more, and then some more. That’s the Navajo loop trail. All in, it’s only about 1.5 miles (one way). But then it’s another 1.5 miles back up. And the elevation change is about 500’ in those 1.5 miles. For regular ass adults it’s a nice little hike. Not back breaking. But not exactly hiking to your mailbox either. But tell a 4 year old to do it and it’s another story. The whole ride into the park and the entire walk down, we psyched Lil up for it. The entire walk down, the same, we pumped her up. When we weren’t reminding her that she could do it, we were shooing her away from the edge (there are no guardrails and the plunge off the side is legit). The walk back up was pretty difficult with lots of stops, lots of bribing, and lots of “ohhhh look at that cool thing we’re walking to? don’t you wanna walk to it?!?”. Lil did eventually reach the top on her own without help. She looked at me and said something I’ll never forget: “I didn’t think I could do that but I did it! I made it!”. She was genuinely and earnestly pleased with herself. And I just felt these big ol damn tears form in my eyes.
The second hike was at Grand Teton National Park. We had 1 week left in our trip and I had promised myself that before we left, I would do a “big” hike with the girls on my own. The challenge with hiking with small children is pretty obvious: you have to find a way to keep them entertained, engaged, motivated, and safe. When there are two parents, you can tag team this effort. But one parent? You have to hope all goes just right to finish a 3.5 mile hike through a forest and around a lake to make it to the end. We ended up doing the Rockefeller Preserve on the edge of GTNP, a really picturesque (and mostly flat) route that takes you to Phelps lake at the base of the Teton Range. When we arrived the park ranger looked at us and said “keep your backpack close by. Yesterday a bear snatched a hiker’s pack in the middle of the day”. Perhaps this should have deterred us, but we had our bear spray and had practiced what to do if we encountered a bear (call the cops?). We did the hike with Nora mostly on my back and Lily mostly by my side. We ate lunch by the lake, practiced who could jump off rocks the best, and had a really amazing time. On our drive back home, the girls fell asleep and I just felt this intense pride. That I’d done this hike on my own with them. And that Lily had another big hike to notch on her belt.
Bought a Sonos
Ok, sooooo you bought a speaker? How is this a “dad” moment, exactly? I’ll keep it simple y’all. Our default in the house is to have music playing. All day. Every day. And we had Amazon Alexa’s spread around the house. But those janky ass speakers would sometimes work, often times wouldn’t, would occasionally answer questions I didn’t ask, and frequently play Taylor Swift no matter what I asked it to play. The number of times I yelled at, cursed at, or nearly kicked those devices would require 17 sets of hands. So upgrading to Sonos means I’m swearing a helluva lot less around the kids.
Started writing a book about our trip
Some people dream of running a marathon (can you imagine this body running more than a few miles. Hard pass). Other people fantasize about building a billion dollar business (I’m content running a hundred dollar business). But for me, I have always wanted to write a book. Our trip this year has finally given me the motivation, and material, to write something. If I’m being honest, I’m mostly doing it for myself. I guess you could say it’s my “because it’s there” moment. But I’m also doing it for our girls. My dad passed away almost exactly 2 years ago and I have nothing from him about any of his experiences. Or what he thought about being a dad. Or what we did together. I have no allusions of being a NYTimes best seller. But if I can leave something for my kids so that they know what I was thinking about them and how I felt about being their dad, then that’s a damn win in my book.
Honorable mention
Watched mom teach Lil how to ride a bike, bombing down our driveway on a sled with the girls, introducing them to the movie Real Genius (at much too young an age but oh well), taking them to see Nanny and Tio and Tia in Houston, and eating way too many donuts with them on Fridays.
Ok, this year was pretty damn fantastic (even in spite of this freakin pandemic that will not quit). But even in fantastic years, there are going to be downs. Things I wish I’d done differently
Watching Nora fall 8’ off a playground ladder
Parents instinctively want to hover over their children to make sure they’re safe. That’s certainly true of me and it takes a lot of effort to suppress this instinct and let my kids sort their own shit out. Sometimes suppressing this is easier than others: when the girls argue with each other, when one of the kids wants helps solving a problem, whatever. But other times are much more difficult. For example, on a playground. Nora, our 3 year old, loves to climb things. Sometimes those things are entirely too tall for her to be climbing. We’re not talking about Little Spiderman climbing the Seers Tower or anything. But it can be 7, 8, or 9’ up in the air. Back in March, when we’d been on our trip for only a few weeks, I watched Nora get to about 8’ on a playground toy. I was watching but from about 30’ away. I watched her lose her grip, dangle for a moment, and then fall. Fortunately nothing was broken. But she was nervous about any kind of height (including the toilet) for months after. In hindsight, I realize she was just too young to be that high up without me being somewhat nearby. It doesn’t mean I want to hover; it just means I need to keep more of a close eye on the young Alex Honnold.
The month of ‘rona
Y’all the damn ‘rona got us good in September and October. Our family takes COVID pretty seriously (I work in global health so it would be a dick move if we didn’t). We mask up when we’re out of our house. 3/4 of us are vaccinated (good job 3 year old for not being old enough to get vaccinated). And if we’re told to quarantine, we quarantine. But then our 3 year old came home exposed. Which we thought was fine. But turned out she had it. And right at the tail end of her quarantine, she gave it to mom. And at the tail end of her quarantine, she gave it to the 5 year old. And last but not least, I got it. All in all I was in quarantine, either watching the kids or isolating myself, for nearly a month. If you know anything about me, you know constant movement is the one thing that keeps me happiest. Stuck at home for a month? Holy shit, not awesome. But at least I got that sweet sweet super immunity (assuming it’s actually a thing).
Being kind of an asshole for like 2 months
My dad had a pretty bad temper when I was a kid. Not so bad that he ever hit us. But bad enough that we kinda feared that he might one day sling us across the room (he did throw a lawnmower over the fence in anger one time. That was more funny than scary if I’m being honest). I remember as a kid reminding myself over and over that I would not have the same temper as my old man. And thankfully I’m pretty low key dude. But when we got back from our trip, I put too much on my plate. I had my normal work stuff, I was building a big ass retaining wall in our backyard, we invited basically our entire families to our house over Labor Day for a joint birthday celebration, and a variety of other obligations all compounded to me turning into kind of an asshole for about 6 weeks. I snipped at the kids, I snipped at Megan, I snipped at basically anyone. Thankfully I didn’t lose my temper *that* bad in those few months. But I did recognize that I was letting the pressure of always doing something, always being a good dad, always being a good husband, always being a good CEO, get to me. I tried meditation, I tried exercising more, I tried a lot of things. They worked a little. But you know what ultimately helped the most: a few counseling sessions. I recognize in myself that when I’m stressed I tend to do the “macho” thing and sort it out myself. And you know what? That’s some extreme bullshit. It’s ok to ask for help. To admit that we can’t always be the best at everything, or anything. Having someone to just chat with, to get some small tactics to help manage stress, was a game changer for me. Dads, if you find yourself stressed, don’t hesitate to ask for help. Or reach out to me (I don’t actually know what I’m doing and I will likely tell you to talk to a professional but hey, gotta start somewhere).
That wraps up 2021. Next week will bring us 2022 and a new slate of dad stories. If you enjoy this, please help me spread the word!
Ha! The "Dad" connection--speakers and swearing--so made me laugh. I had to re-hang some lights on a Christmas tree this year, and suggested to my 25 year old that he leave the room for a moment...then shared with him why I always put up our (sometimes 15 foot) tree and put on the lights while they were out someplace with their dad...before we started decorating :)
Also I so appreciate what you share at the end here--some real stuff. And good. As a mom of three young men, thank you. I'm enjoying your work!